When the Soon-2-B-X and I separated I went through many emotions: fear, anger, jealousy... but mainly fear. That was the biggie. Could I really take care of my two beautiful munchkins, the doggie and myself on my own?
The weekend he left for California and took with him several kitchen appliances (and the dining table with two of the six chairs) I went to Macy's and got some new stuff. That was Saturday Feb. 13, 2010 and it felt good to take advantage of great deals to purchase quality equipment. However other than the knives and the pans the rest of the stuff remained wrapped in the original boxes three weeks after the purchase.
After re-crunching numbers I still was feeling insecure. I had already passed the money test (proven I could afford the stuff) now I had to pass another test: figuring out how things work on my own. I have never spent much time in the kitchen (the Soon-2-B-X was/is a great cook) and had never had to set up any equipment before. My 7-year-old came downstairs and saw me standing in front of the coffee machine trying to figure it out. Matter-of-factly she said that I just needed to read the manual while holding it five inches away from her nose. So after following the step-by-step instructions I was able to taste MY very first coffee cup made on MY new coffee machine. My daughter M and I cheered. It was not the best cup of Joe. It was weak, but it gave me so much strength!!! that day we went to Target and I got a diary that I started using inconsistently.... so now I am wondering if this blog will be easier to maintain (another test?)
I still feel a lot of things are little tests, but the great thing is that I am my own grader. It feels like I am doing those do-it-at-your-own-pace type of tests. And I am O.K. with the fact that I might repeat the lesson until I get the test right. Like the day I had a day off and promised my kids I was going to walk from school to home with them and I did not get on time. I thought they were going to be MAD but they were pretty fine and laughed when I said that I had fallen asleep. I obviously did not pass that test according to my standards but the kids were O.K. because they felt secure that whether on time or late mama was going to be there.
My patience is constanly tested by the kids and the Soon-2-B-X. My job has really become an oasis where it does not matter whether I am married or separated, a mom or not, it is just me and my skills and today I was praised by my boss so that felt great. That was a grade I was not expecting but really welcomed.
If anyone is out there. What are the biggest tests you have experienced? What are the tests you think I should braised myself for?
Over and Out until next time (soon I hope!)
Amiga, kudos to you and your first cup of coffee! I think that what you have to consider is taking one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteToday wasn't a good day, for example? Take it with a grain of salt. Your boss congratulates you? Pad yourself on the back and move on because tomorrow it might be different.
The truth is we won't ever have a perfect life because that doesn't exist.
What we can do is take a second to be thankful for those little happy moments and even for those not so happy because they make us realize how lucky we are to be alive and to have people or "munchkins" in our lives that care deeply about us.
Pa'lante amiga! Un abrazo!
You're biggest fan,
V.
Hey girl! great idea the blog. Keep on going :) as for the tests, I believe everyday is one. Because you wake up and you have no idea what is in store for you. Life is full of surprises, challenges that we can only see as blessings. Because each one teaches us something new and makes us stronger and wiser. In particular the biggest tests are the ones that require big changes: a change in our career, family, love life, etc... and then it comes the fear. I have realized that the key is turn that fear into fuel. Soon the fear disappears and you are energized!!!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with everything, keep us posted!
besitos,
Paola